Winter Break
by Don'tReadMyStories
Summary: It's winter break and time to go home for two weeks. How does Jerome feel about seeing his Mum again? Can Mara help him get through it?
1. Waiting

Winter break. My favorite time of the year. Note the sarcasm. You see, during every break, we're forced to go home while the school and boarding houses are locked up. Lucky for me, this break lasts two weeks, unlike the usual one week. But at least it's not summer vacation, which lasts for two whole months.

I managed to get a few outfits in my backpack so I wouldn't have to carry a large suitcase. I wasn't planning on staying with Mum long anyway. I can't say that I'm not excited to see her, though. I haven't even spoken to her since Dad died a year back. I've busted my *ss this year trying to get good grades that I could show my mum, and, despite one _B_-a very high one, might I add-I've managed all _A_'s. But, if that didn't win her love, I used my money that I'd gotten from my 'recycled homework' business to buy her a diamond necklace. I've been saving up for years.

I walked over to the window and unlocked it so I could have a way inside if/when I needed to come back. After that, I went downstairs, managing to avoid the crowd of teenagers as I slipped out the door and sat down on the steps, waiting for my ride to arrive.

Nina's taxi was the first to get here, for she had a plane to catch. She opened the door and stepped outside when the driver honked the horn. "Bye, guys," she said, hurrying down the stairs.

She didn't take any notice to me, for she was in such a rush to get home. So I just included myself in her goodbye. The teens inside probably didn't even realize that I wasn't in there with them. Oh well. I'm used to being left out.  


* * *

  
I'd changed positions on the steps hundreds of times, always getting uncomfortable. I was currently leaning against the wall right outside the door, watching as Patricia and Mara hugged and bade one another 'goodbye'. Patricia gave the other girl one last tight squeeze before heading toward her mum's car. Within minutes, she was gone. I walked forward with a sigh, taking a seat on the steps yet again.

Mara joined me. "What's up?"

"Nothing." I glanced at my watch, then turned my head to face her. "Where're your parents?"

"My dad got off work a while ago. He should be here soon. Where's your mum?"

I looked straight ahead. "Just stuck in traffic. She'll be here any minute."

Mara nodded. "I don't think I've ever met your mum."

Yeah, well, I don't know her, either. Instead of saying that, I decided on, "Consider yourself lucky."

"I'd like to meet her." Her eyes were on mine, as if trying to prove that she was serious.

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said, standing up.

I noticed that her ride had just pulled up. "Well, um…you could come by my house sometime during the break…if you want."

"Sure." She smiled, then pulled out a pen and touched its tip against her palm. "What's the address." After I told her, she said, "Got it. I gotta go. Bye, Jerome."

"See ya."

I watched as her dad got out of the car and put her suitcase into the trunk. I should've offered to do that. Right? What if her father thought that there was something going on between us? I wonder if he'd be cool with Mara and I going together. Honestly, I've liked her for quite a while-ever since I opened up to her and told her about my parents. I wonder if she likes me. I doubt it. I never was that nice to her up until a while ago-when we started talking. She probably still has feelings for Mick, although they broke up months ago. Ever since Mick and Mara started liking one another, I've found my relationship with Mick breaking apart…not that we were ever close. But we rarely talk to each other now.

Mara got inside the passenger's side of the car, then looked at me with a smile as she waved. I did the same back.  


* * *

  
Two hundred and twelve. Two hundred and thirteen. Two hundred and fourteen. Two hundred and fifteen. Two hundred and sixteen. Wait a second. Haven't I already counted that star? I sighed, bored with this makeshift game. I stared up at the sky, my head resting on one arm.

Mum's going to be here soon. She knows that she has to pick me up. Any second now, she'll be driving down the road, anxiously waiting to see me. I know it.


	2. Ride

I opened my eyes slowly and sat up as someone shook my shoulder. I found that my book bag had been under my head. I also noticed that I was laying on the steps of Anubis House under the orange sunrise. I slouched a bit, realizing that my mum had forgotten me. Or worse: what if she didn't want to come get me?

Trudy looked at me with a sympathetic frown as she rubbed my back. "Let's go make you some breakfast."  


* * *

  
I sat at the dining room table alone, playing with the scrambled eggs on my plate with a fork, when Trudy exited the kitchen.

"Still haven't finished, Jerome? You should hurry and eat before it gets cold."

I've been sitting like this for thirty minutes, so my food was already cold. "I'm not hungry." I stood and handed my plate and glass to Trudy, then went into my room and plopped down onto my bed.  


* * *

  
"Jerome?"

I stood with a sigh when I heard Victor call my name. He was probably going to make me do chores over the break while the other teenagers were celebrating their return to their homes. I exited my room to find Victor standing before the front door, a man next to him.

"This is your ride," Victor said. "Hurry. Go get your things."

I went into my room and grabbed my backpack before following the man to his car. I didn't know him, so I found it strange that his vehicle wasn't a taxi. But I got in on the passenger's side anyway.

He got in, then started the car and drove off. "Your mother never told me that she had a kid until yesterday."

"Where is she?"

"Our house."

What? "'_Our_ house'?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I'm your step-father."

What? She remarried? So soon? Didn't she miss Dad at all?

"So what's your name again?"

"Jerome," I answered, only half paying attention, for I was lost in thought.

He introduced himself. "Benjamin." After a moment, he said, "Not much of a talker, are you?"

I didn't say anything. Why didn't she ever tell me. How long was she planning on going without letting me know?


	3. Mum

I got out of the car and gazed at the house that I used to call 'home'. 'Home' was a foreign term to me now. I don't call the Anubis House 'home' because I don't feel like I belong there. But, then again, I don't belong anywhere.

I walked toward the house and stepped inside after Benjamin. My mum was sitting on the couch in the living room. She turned off the TV, then looked up with a smile. She missed me! Mum stood up then came toward me, but, before she came to stand in front of me, she kissed the man in front of her: Benjamin. My heart crushed as she led him into the kitchen without even so much as a glance at me. But I swallowed my hurt and followed them as if I'd been invited to.

"I made you some lunch." She grabbed the plate of food that was on the counter and handed it to Benjamin.

"Thanks," he said, taking off the plastic wrap that covered it. He carried the plate into the living room and turned on the TV.

I waited for her to say something, but she only followed him. I sighed, then exited the kitchen and went down the hall and into my room. It looked completely different. The walls were light pink. There was a crib on one side. I stepped closer to see a small baby wiggling around inside. It took a few seconds for noise to escape its mouth. The baby cried loudly, probably waking up from a nap.

Mum came into the room and picked up the child. "Jerome, you woke her up!"

I just stood there and watched as she bounced the girl. She smiled and talked in a baby voice. I felt as though I was being replaced. There was no sign anywhere in this house proving that I even existed.

I started to reach into my book bag for my progress report. "Mum, I wanted to show you-"

"Not now, Jerome. I have to feed the baby." She left the room.

I just shrugged it off. I mean, that was understandable. She's busy. It's okay.

I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, watching as she played with the child. A ping of jealousy overcame me, but I ignored it. "What's her name?"

"Annabel. Annabel Madeline Dunlevy."

"How old is she?"

Mum grabbed the bottle of formula from the microwave. "Almost two months."

I started doing some math in my head, learning that the baby was conceived a little over a month before Dad died. "When did you and Benjamin get married?"

"Eight months ago."

"When did you meet him?"

"I don't know. Almost a year ago. Why are you asking so many questions?"

"Just curious. Since you never talk to me anymore."

Mum just went back into the living room as she fed the baby.  


* * *

  
Annabel was sleeping. Benjamin was out job-searching, for he'd just recently been laid off. Mum was in the kitchen, cooking dinner.

I decided to take this time to show her my progress report. I grabbed it out of my backpack and went into the kitchen. "Mum?"

"What?"

"Here are my grades."

She turned to me and took the paper, reading over it. "What happened in math?"

"It's just a _B_."

"A _B_'s not good enough. I'm not paying for you to go to school so you can play around and get terrible grades."

"It's not that bad."

"But it could be better." She flung the paper into the trashcan before turning back to the stove.

I looked down at my feet, repeating the conversation in my head and vowing to do better, for I was _'not good enough'_.


	4. Rejected

I was laying on the couch, wide awake, but oh so tired. That's what you get for leaving your pills at the Anubis House, Jerome. Good job. I sighed, then rubbed my eyes.

After the whole Rufus ordeal, I went to the doctor for my lack of the ability to sleep. They told me that I had insomnia, so I was given Ativan. It helped at first. But, recently, I've been having to take larger dosages to fall asleep. I know. I know. I don't need a lecture about prescription drug abuse. But it knocks me out. So whatever.

I sat up when I heard crying. I blinked, for my eyes were blurry from tiredness. I walked down the hall and pushed open an already-cracked door. I tip-toed across the room and picked Annabel up, holding her gently in my arms. This was the first time that I've held my sister since I got here. I bounced her, deciding to let Mum and Benjamin have a break. I carried her into the kitchen, making her formula the same way Mum had made it, for I'd watched her a few times.

I looked down at the baby as the formula heated up in the microwave. She had beautiful charcoal eyes. I was told that my eyes had been that color when I was born. I wish I would've kept them. Instead, I have these icy blue eyes that match my cold heart. They're deep, like an ocean-something you could drown in if you look too long. And, if you did stare into them, they'd reveal everything. I guess it's a good thing that people usually don't look my way.

Except Mara. She's the only one that knows the little boy that I hide inside. She crumbled-I mean, she viciously tore down and destroyed the walls that blocked everyone from getting to know who I was deep down. Mara is the only one that cares to make me feel better. And I love her for that. That's right. I said it. I love Mara Jaffray. So sue me.

My thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. I blinked, noticing that I'd been staring into Annabel's eyes the whole time. Wow, Jerome. Weird much? I grabbed the baby bottle and took a seat on the couch in the living room, feeding the girl. Her eyes were closed as she drank, so I watched her lips.

They were so small. I thought about Annabel as a teenager-the curses that would escape her mouth. Isn't it strange how a mouth that could speak such beautiful words could also say something so terrible that someone would want to kill himself because of it? That thought just trips me up. Mum is so kind to Benjamin and Annabel. But what about me? Why doesn't she care about me?

Annabel stopped sucking, her breathing shallow. I watched her with a smile on my face as her mouth started moving again. Her lips were probably getting tired. Or maybe she kept dozing off-something that I wish I could do. I just yawned and carried the baby back into her room.  


* * *

  
My eyes shot open as my feet were shoved off of the couch. I sat up, then rubbed my eyes. I looked next to me to see that Mum had turned on the TV. "Morning," I said after yawning.

She didn't respond.

I shrugged it off, telling myself that she didn't hear me. My voice probably wasn't that loud anyway since I just woke up. And, plus, the television is on.

I stood up and headed toward my backpack, which was leaning against a wall. I opened it and pulled out the box that contained the necklace, then turned around to find that my spot on the couch had been taken by Benjamin. I walked over there anyway, then held out the box. "Mum, I got you an early Christmas present."

For the first time today, she looked up at me. "What is it?" she asked, taking the box from my hands. She opened it.

I watched her face, for that's the whole fun of giving someone a gift. (It's also fun when you watch a scary movie, but then you end of missing half of it).

Her expression was blank. She closed the box and handed it back to me. "I don't wear necklaces."

My smile faded, for she currently had on the one that Benjamin had given her a while ago. "Oh." I swallowed my hurt. "Well, I could get you something else. Maybe a-"

"No. That's fine. I don't want anything from you."

Because she doesn't want me to spend so much money on her. That's all. I wish I could get myself to believe that.


	5. Thank You, Johnny Walker

"Your mother and I are going out for lunch. We'll be back later." Benjamin walked outside with the baby carrier in hand, Annabel nestled inside.

Mum exited behind him without so much as a glance at me.  


* * *

  
That night, I sat next to Mum on the couch. We were playing with Annabel. Mum was drinking-a little too much, if you ask me. But it wasn't any of my business. Besides, she met up with Johnnie Walker on Tuesdays and Fridays. She offered me half a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black scotch whiskey, but I declined because I need more than that to get drunk. I don't understand why people drink just to drink. Why would you drink if you're not going to get drunk? Mum has definitely drank more than one bottle. My heart kind of warmed up inside when she offered me some, for _she_ said something to _me_-not the other way around. Yeah, she had to be drunk to do it. But who cares?

I looked up when the door burst open to reveal a furious Benjamin. He tossed his bottle of whisky toward me, but missed, for his coordination was off.

"What the h*ll is your problem?" I yelled. I mean, what if he would've hit Annabel?

He stormed toward me, and grabbed my hair, dragging me off of the couch.

"Let me go!"

He shoved me onto the floor, then punched me hard.

I held my stinging cheek. "What the h*ll was that for?"

He wound his fist back again, hitting my jaw. My lip busted from the blow. Benjamin pushed himself to his feet, then began kicking my side.

"Ahh!" I clutched my ribs. "Stop it! Leave me alone!"

After what felt like forever and a half, the man stopped. I managed to sit up. I tried to scoot away from him, pushing myself with my hands. I coughed up blood. My face was swelling. Red goo trickled from my lips.

Benjamin punched me once more. I was unable to hold myself up. My back was on the floor. I barely knew what was happening as the man pulled down my pants and boxers. When my mind cleared, I started banging my fists against his chest. He just grabbed them and pinned them onto the ground before he pushed into me.  


* * *

  
I was leaning against the bathtub, tears pouring from the ocean behind my closed eyelids. I've been like this for ten minutes. What disgusted me the most is that Mum let him do it to me. Why didn't she stop him? How could she do this?

I tensed when I heard fists against the wooden door.

"Open up!" It was Benjamin.

I wiped my eyes and sniffled, then stood up unsteadily. I slowly walked to the door and opened it. Benjamin pulled me out of the bathroom and shoved me to the floor, then stepped inside and slammed the door closed. I stayed there for a moment before pushing myself to my feet and going outside to sit on the front porch-the only place where I could be alone.  


* * *

  
My back was leaning against the front door. I'd managed to stay outside so long last night that Mum and Benjamin forgot about me and locked the door. Or maybe they didn't forget….

I brushed that thought aside. I hadn't wanted to wake them up. And, honestly, I really didn't care about going back inside. The air was cool against the water on my cheeks, but the tears had left hours ago. It was much better out here-more peaceful. So peaceful, in fact, that I almost forgot about the war going on inside my brain. Almost.

To be, or not to be? That is the question. I know suicide is not the best option. But, for me, it's the only option. What else could I do to get away from my own life? Sometimes, I think about switching lives with someone. But, if it was possible, I would never do it. I wouldn't even wish this sh*t on my worst enemy. No one deserves a life like mine. I know. It's not the worst. But it's not the greatest either.

I mean, all I want is a mother that loves me-a living Dad that cares about me. I want to be flooded with kisses on my forehead-ones that I'd pretend that I was too old for. I want an older sister-one that I could annoy but could go to if I was ever in trouble. I want a house with a mailbox that has my address on it. I want a yard with a tire swing and a playful dog. I want a room to call my own-one with a lock and that had a _'No girls allowed'_ sign on the outside. I want my own closet and a comfortable bed that I could hide dirty magazines under. I want a car that I could drive to the store to help Mum out with the groceries. I want friends that I could trust with my secrets. I want a new life.

I watched the sun rise in the sky. It was beautiful-orange and pink: my favorites colors (shh; don't tell). I wondered why I've never watched it before. I'm usually up at this time since I can't sleep. The golden sun is radiant and bright as it shyly hides behind the horizon: like Mara.

Mara…. I wonder how her visit is going.


	6. Award

I was sitting on the couch, watching _Days Like These_. (It's like the American _That 70's Show_. It failed to appeal to audiences-although I don't understand why no one would watch this-so they took it off after the tenth episode. At least there are still reruns. They never get old). No matter how down I am, this show always manages to make me laugh. Sometimes, back at Anubis House, I sneak into the living room if I can't sleep. The show is always on late at night-or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it. If you were to observe me watching the show, you'd probably think that something was wrong with me because I'm shaking with laughter that I can't let out, for Victor might hear. Maybe it's not that hilarious. But everything's always funnier at three o'clock in the morning.

My body tensed when Benjamin walked into the room and took a seat next to me. I involuntarily scooted closer to the arm of the couch and played with my thumbs, no longer paying attention to the show, but still staring at the screen.

"I'm gonna get the mail," Mum said, starting toward the door.

"I'll get it." I jumped up and, out of the corner of my eye, saw Benjamin smirk. I went outside and started toward the mailbox, relaxing my muscles. When I got there, I pulled out the mail and walked back inside, shuffling through the letters in my hand.

One read, _"To the parents of Jerome Clarke"_. I flipped it over and tore it open, then pulled out the piece of paper inside and unfolded it. It was an _A/B_ honor roll award.

I smiled and went into my old room to find my mum, who was bouncing the baby. "Mum, I-"

"Shhh! I'm trying to get the baby to sleep."

I apologized before leaving the room and setting the mail down on the table in the kitchen, then going into the bathroom to get some alone time so I wouldn't have to sit next to Benjamin.  


* * *

  
Annabel was asleep, and Benjamin was gone. I decided that this was a good time to show Mum my award. I pulled it out of my pocket and unfolded it, then tried to straighten and unwrinkled all of the creases. I found my mum watching TV in the living room.

"Mum, this came in the mail today," I said, handing her the paper.

She took it and read over it without saying a word.

After a moment, I asked, "Aren't you going to hang in on the refrigerator or something?"

"I can't hang a _B_ on my refrigerator." She gave it back to me.

"But it's an award. At least I got an award."

"If it's not an _A_, I don't care."

"But, Mum-" I was cut off my Benjamin bursting through the front door, causing me to flinch.

"I got it!" he exclaimed. "I got the job!"

Mum rushed up to flood him with hugs and kissed. "Oh, I'm so proud of you!"

I swallowed the rising lump in my throat, then looked down at my lousy award. I slipped past them and stepped outside quietly, as not to wake the baby up although Benjamin and Mum probably already did with their excitement. My eyes started to blur as I stood on the porch. I viciously tore the paper into pieces, then crumbled them into a ball and tossed it down the driveway. Of course it didn't go that far. I took a seat on the steps and hid my head in my hands as my elbows rested on my knees.

Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I ever good enough. I tried so hard to get those f*cking grades, and they don't even meet Mum's standards. Right then, I started to wonder if I'd ever be good enough for my mum-if I'd ever deserve her love.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up. "Mara? W-what are you doing here?" I wiped my nose on my sleeve and dried my eyes.

"What's wrong?" She took a seat next to me.

I sniffled. "Nothing. Nothing. I'm fine."

She unwrinkled and put together the pieces of the paper that she'd picked up: my award. She looked over it. "It's just a _B_, Jerome."

"It's not just a _B_!" I snapped. "That d*mn _B_ messed up everything!"

She watched me.

I turned my eyes away so she couldn't read right through me, then sighed shakily. "You don't understand."

"Then make me understand."

I thought about telling her-describing how I felt. But I knew that, if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop, for there was just something about Mara that made me talk. I didn't want her knowing everything that has happened to me here: finding out I had a sister and step-dad, being ignored and left out of family outings, and…and being beaten and raped by Benjamin. No. I couldn't tell her that.

I just cleared my throat and stood up. "It's nothing. You wanted to meet my mum?"

She stood up, thinking about prodding more, but deciding better of it. "Yeah."

I led her inside, where we were met by my mum and Benjamin, who were playing with Annabel. "Mum? I want you to meet my friend." Please, be nice. Please, be nice. Please, be nice.

She looked up.

"This is Mara. Mara, this is my mum, my…um, Benjamin, and Annabel."

"Nice to meet you," Mum said.

"It's nice meeting you, too." Mara smiled and waved shyly at them.

"C'mon," I led Mara into the kitchen and out the back door. I took a seat on the porch swing, and she followed.

"You never told me that your mum remarried. Or that you had a baby sister."

"You sure? I thought I told you."

She shook her head. "So what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"What happened to your face?"

My lip was scabbed over from where it was busted. My left cheek had a large black bruise. Both of my eyes were black. "Oh, um, I fell out of a tree. And then down some stairs."

"Well, it seems like you've been busy."

I wore a false smile.

"So are you excited about Christmas coming up?"

"Yeah," I lied. "You?"

She broke out into a huge grin. "Yeah. I can't wait."

"Are you doing anything special?"

"No. I'm staying at home. Christmas isn't Christmas unless you're at home with the people you love."

I faked a chuckle. "Yeah…."

"What about you?"

"Um, same. You doing anything for Christmas Eve tomorrow?"

"Yeah. My family is coming over for supper." After a moment, she said. "You could come if you want."

I was so shocked that I forgot to speak. Ha ha. Idiot.

"Oh. You're probably wanting to spend time with your family."

"No. No, I'd fancy coming over."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not doing anything special."

"Cool. Well, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah." I opened the door for her and led her to the front porch. She walked down the stairs after waving goodbye.

I couldn't help but smile. And then I thought of something. "Mara, wait a second."

"Yeah?" She said, turning around.

"I don't know your address." I patted the front and back pockets of my pants. "Do you have a pen?"

"No."

"Screw it. I'll remember."

"1295 Hillway in Camden Town."

"1295 Hillway. Thanks." Really, Jerome? Did you really just thank her? Smooth.

She just smiled as she turned around.

"1295 Hillway," I said to myself. "1295 Hillway. 1295 Hillway." I turned and walked into the house. "1295 Hillway. Camden Town. 1295 Hillway. Hey, Mum? Where is some paper and a pen?"

"I don't know. Check the junk drawer."

"1295 Hillway. 1295 Hillway. Camden Town. 1295 Hillway. 129-There isn't any paper in here," I said, pulling out a pen.

"Well, I don't know where any is."

I remembered something and went outside, then picked up one of the many pieces that was my award. I carried it inside and closed the door with my foot, then bared down on the wall and started to write. "Mum, this pen isn't working."

"Bring me my purse."

"Where is it?"

"In my room."

I walked down the hall and opened the door to my mum's room-the one she used to share with Dad. Benjamin had already made himself comfortable, for his clothes were hanging in the closet and his shoes were against the wall. I guess it was normal, though. I mean, they've been together for quite a while. What was I expecting? To walk in and see my father laying on the bed, snoring softly like he did when I use to sneak into bed with him and Mum if I had a nightmare.

I brushed that thought out of my head and grabbed Mum's purse, which had been on the floor in front of her nightstand. I went into the living room and handed it to her. She unzipped it, then searched through the papers and coupons until she found a pen and handed it to me.

I sat down on the couch and bared down on the coffee table in front of me. "1925-"

"1295," Benjamin corrected.

I scratched out what I had written. "1295 Hillway. Camden Town." I stood and folded the paper and put it into my pocket, then handed Mum her pen back. "Thanks."


	7. Christmas Eve With Mara

I handed the taxi driver some money, thanked him, then got out of the car. Wow. Mara had traveled almost an hour yesterday to come to Luton to visit me. I looked at the large house in front of me. There were several cars parked in the yard and on the curb. There were young kids playing whatever in the front yard. I walked up the driveway, thinking about turning back as nerves crept up my spine. Stop it, Jerome. It's not like you're on a date. I rang the doorbell and waited until a woman opened the door.

"You must be Jerome. Mara has told me so much about you. Come in."

I stepped inside and was immediately hit with scrumptious smells and loud chatting.

"Mara is in her room. Follow me." Mrs. Jaffray led me up the stairs.

I wondered if all the other kids at Anubis House still had their own room. Maybe it was just me that didn't.

"Mara, sweetie? You're friend is here," Mrs. Jaffray said after knocking on the door.

I felt so uncomfortable around all of these people I didn't know. And I usually never cared about being around people. But this is Mara's family. I want to make a good impression on them. Why, Jerome? You'll never have the courage to ask Mara to be your girlfriend. Maybe I shouldn't have came.

The door opened to reveal Mara. Never mind that last thought. I'm so glad that I came. I had to force my mouth to stay closed as I gazed at the girl in front of me.

She wore a beautiful red dress that hugged her hips perfectly. Her wavy hair rested on her shoulders. She wore both a silver necklace and a bracelet. Her lips formed a smile. "Hey, Jerome. Glad you could make it," she said as her mother walked back down the stairs.

I cleared my throat. "Thanks for inviting me."

She opened the door wider so that I could step inside. I did. I stood in front of the door, for it's rude to sit on someone's bed if you haven't been allowed. Right? I don't know. But I haven't been here before, so…I'm just going to stand.

I looked around. Mara's walls were a light yellow: her favorite color. The walls were plain-no pictures or anything. I figured that all of her posters and decorations were in her room at Anubis House. Her comforter was also yellow. On her nightstand was a mini Christmas tree, which was decorated with small ornaments.

"You could sit down if you want."

"Thanks." I did.

"I got you a Christmas present." She grabbed something out of her dresser drawer and brought it to me. It was square-shaped and wrapped in Christmas paper. She held it out.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"But I did anyways."

I smiled, then tore through the wrapping paper. "A Pink Floyd CD."

"Not just one; there's two. See?"

"Wow. Thanks, Mara."

I looked down at the CD. The front of it read,_ "Pink Floyd: The Wall_" which was placed in front of what seemed to be a white brick wall. I flipped it over in my hand. I should've thought to bring Mara a gift.

"You don't like it," she said.

"No. I love it. But I left your gift back at my Mum's."

"That's okay. You could give it to me when we go back to school."

Mrs. Jaffray stepped inside. "Supper's ready, kids." Just as quick as she entered, she was gone.

Mara said, "Yum. I'm starving."

"Yeah. I'm gonna leave the CD in your room so I don't lose it, okay?"

"That's fine."

I set it onto her dresser, then followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen. Food covered a small circular table. Everyone grabbed a plate, then flooded it with delicious food. I went behind Mara. I didn't take too much-just a little…until I came face-to-face with the macaroni and cheese. Mmm…. But I still only took my share and continued. After people got their food, they separated throughout the house-some going into the living room, others just hanging around the kitchen. I followed Mara to the back porch. We took a seat on the tall patio chairs and set our plates onto the glass table.

I felt a bit like I was intruding. I mean, if I weren't here, she'd probably be in there with her family. But I'm sure she knew that I'd follow her around like a lost puppy when she considered inviting me.

"Can I ask you a question?" she said.

"What would you do if I said '_n_o'?"

"Ask anyway."

I smiled, but it quickly faded when she spoke.

"So why were you really upset when I visited yesterday?"

"What are you talking about?" I said, shrugging it off.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I-I forgot to grab a fork. I'll be right back." I got out of my chair, then headed inside. I slipped through the crowd until I got into the kitchen, then I grabbed a fork. I started to turn, but stopped when someone spoke to me.

"So you're Mara's friend?" It was an older boy-taller than me and with broad shoulders.

"Yeah."

He nodded his chin toward me. "You fancy her?"

"What? No. No, I d-"

"I saw the way that you were looking at her."

I swallowed.

"If you break her heart, just know that I will personally hunt you down and-"

"Jerome, this is my older brother Luke," Mara said, coming up from behind me, giving her kin a warning glare. "C'mon." She led me back outside. "Don't listen to him. He's just very protective."

I took my seat at the table, then dug into my macaroni.

"So you never answered my question."

I swallowed my food down. "Oh, um…what was it again?"

"Why were you crying when-"

"I wasn't crying."

"Right. So why were you crying?"

I rolled my eyes, then took a sip of my tea nervously. I set the glass down, then spoke. "Because of the _B_."

"C'mon, Jerome. You and I both know that you've had lower grades before."

"Yeah, but I just wanted to bring better grades home to show my Mum."

"Did you show her the grades?"

"Yeah."

"She didn't care, did she?"

Sh*t. I've said too much. But I couldn't stop now. "No."

"Well, I think that you did great. I'm proud of you."

I looked up with a smile, gazing into her eyes. If she wasn't sitting on the opposite side of the table, I think I might have kissed her. She knew exactly what I needed to hear, and she wasn't afraid to say it. Sure, it doesn't replace the abandonment that I feel from Mum. But Mara cares about me. _Me_.

I coughed and put my eyes on my food, forgetting that I'd been staring at Mara.

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked, observing me.

See, Jerome? That's why you don't let her look into you eyes. Because she can see things that no one else can.

"Nothing," I replied.

"You're lying."

Denying is the best way to go. "No, I'm not."

"Jerome, why don't you trust me?"

"I do. More than anyone, Mara. You know that."

Did she? It's not like I've ever told her. She probably thought that I told Alfie all of my secrets.

"Then why won't you tell me what's bothering you?" she said.

I looked down at my food, suddenly losing my appetite. Should I tell her? I trust her. She wouldn't tell anyone. Would she? It really wouldn't matter because I could never be mad at Mara. I love her. When you love someone, aren't you supposed to share everything with that person? I mean, you can't keep secrets if you want your relationship to grow.

My voice was soft, almost inaudible. "He raped me."

"What?"

I picked my head up, looking straight into her eyes. "Benjamin…he raped me."

Mara's eyes went wide. She was shocked and didn't know what to say.

I stood and started toward the door. "I should be getting back."

"Wait." The girl hurried to block my path. "Please, wait a second."

"What?" My voice cracked. Great, Jerome. Are you gonna cry again…in front of Mara?

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me, too." And here comes the waterworks.

She grabbed my hand and led me to the porch steps. We took a seat. Mara rubbed my back with her soft hand.

I sniffled. "Mum was there when he did it. And she didn't even attempt to stop him. She doesn't even care about me now that she has a new life with Benjamin and Annabel."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true."

"Did Benjamin beat you up?"

I guess she didn't go for that story about me falling out of a tree and down some stairs. I nodded. Before I left my mum's earlier, I'd used some of her make-up to cover the marks. It was so weird. But I couldn't show up to Mara's house looking like I did. What would her family think? Maybe they would've known what had happened like Mara did. Isn't she so smart?

"Then why are you gonna go back?"

"I wanna be with my mum for Christmas. I haven't done that in a while."

"What do you mean?"

"On breaks, I usually sneak back into the boarding house through my window. I always leave it unlocked when I go to my mum's." I looked at her. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks."


	8. Merry Christmas

Christmas morning. Yay…. I sat up on the couch and yawned. Mum shoved a video camera into my hand, then joined Benjamin-who was holding Annabel-on the floor in front of the Christmas tree. Mum grabbed a present and unwrapped it to reveal a pink bear that read "_My first teddy_" on the stomach of the stuffed animal.

I sat there as Mum and Benjamin opened presents, some by one to the other, but they were mostly gifts for Annabel. My hand was starting to get tired after a while. And I was just holding up a little video camera. I really need to work out and get some muscle on myself. Mara seemed like a pretty good coach with Mick. Maybe I'll get with her…for coaching.

"This one's yours," Mum slung a box my way.

I had to move my head to dodge it. I set the camera onto the coffee table so it faced the other three. I picked up the box, surprise all over my face. I didn't think I'd get anything from them. I pulled at the tape that was on all four sides. It didn't peel off until I used my teeth. I took off the lid and looked inside, then pulled out a plain grey shirt. There was also a pair of blue and grey striped pajama pants.

I couldn't help but grin. Mum gave me something. She remembered me. Maybe it was a last minute gift, for I could tell that it was used. (They look familiar, so they're probably Dad's) But who cares? I got a present on Christmas for the first time in years.

* * *

I examined myself in the bathroom mirror. Sure, the shirt was, like, six thousand sizes too big and the pants kept falling down. I'm exaggerating, by the way. My dad had been a normal-sized man. I guess I was just on the skinny side. But I still look great. So whatever.

* * *

I set the kitchen table. Tonight, I'd offered to cook supper for everyone. The food was done, so I called Mum and Benjamin. They came into the kitchen, made their plates, then started back into the living room until I spoke.

"I thought we could eat at the table," I said. "You know? As a family. It _is_ Christmas."

The two glanced at one another before agreeing. Mum set her plate down, then got the baby rocker and set it down on the floor next to her chair. She placed Annabel inside, then took a seat.

Mum took one bite of her food before saying, "The meat isn't done."

That was it. I'd had the last straw. I jumped up, throwing my fork down onto my plate. "Mum, I'm trying so hard! Why can't you just be proud of me? Why don't you _love_ me? I've been busting my *ss trying to get you to accept me! But you keep being a real f*cking b*tch to me!"

"Hey!" Benjamin exclaimed, standing up after Mum did.

"You've hurt me so much, Mum!"

"What? You want an apology?" She said, not waiting for an answer. "Too bad, because I'm not sorry."

"What did I ever do to you?" I yelled.

My mum came over to me and pushed me backwards and into the living room. "Get out."

I just glared at her.

"Get out of my house!" She shoved me harder, causing me to hit the floor.

"Gladly." I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder.

"You are not welcome here," Benjamin said.

"I don't ever wanna see you again!" Mum screamed. "You hear me?"

"F*ck you, b*tch." I stormed outside and slammed the door closed behind me.

* * *

I pushed my window open, then climbed inside of my room. I was tensed with anger.

My Mum didn't want me. She didn't love me. There's nothing left for me here.

I grabbed a chair and placed it in the closet after pushing the clothes and empty hangers aside. Then I searched the floor until my eyes came across a belt. I picked it up and tied one end to the pole in the closet after putting that end through the clasp and locking it in place in one of the holes. I found a piece of paper on the dresser and picked up the pen, writing _"Are you sorry now?"_ in large dark letters. I dropped it onto the floor in front of the closet, then pulled out the necklace that my mum wouldn't take. I wrote on another sheet of paper, _"To Mara"_, then put it onto my bed, placing the box with the necklace in it on top. I walked over to the closet and stood on the chair, then put my head through the noose.


	9. Emotionless

I opened my eyes slowly and blinked until the view became clear. Everything was white. I looked next to me to find several noisy machines. That's when I realized where I was and what was happening. I'd survived.

Unfortunately.

I sighed, then turned my head so I could look out the large window. Instead, I saw Mara, who was wearing the necklace that I'd left for her. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice colder than I thought it'd be.

"I thought I'd come see you," she said with an equal tone.

"How long have I been here?" My voice was softer, kinder.

But hers wasn't. "Since yesterday."

"How long have _you_ been here?"

"Since yesterday."

"Why?"

"Waiting for you to wake up."

"Well, I'm up."

"I see that."

I waited in awkward silence for her to say something. But she didn't.

So I did. "How did you find me?"

"You left your CD at my house." She pulled it out from under her jacket, which was on her lap, for she had wrapped her arms around it. She slung the CD at me, hitting my thigh.

"How did you know that I wasn't at my mum's?"

"I went over there looking for you. She told me what happened. I knew where you were going. Luckily, you hadn't left her house for too long before I got there."

"Yeah. Lucky me," I mumbled.

"How could you?" She stood. "How could you do this?"

I just looked at my lap as she yelled at me as if she was a mother-a good mother. Not my mother. Stop thinking about her, Jerome. She's the reason that you're here now.

"What were you thinking?" She pulled out a sheet of paper and held it up, then crumbled it into a ball and tossed it at me after yelling, "What is this? Huh?"

I picked it up, then unfolded all of the wrinkles and looked at the paper. It read, _Are you sorry now?_ in large, bold letters. Once I put my eyes on it, tears streamed down my cheeks. My bottom lip quivered, no matter how hard I tried to stiffen it.

I heard stomping coming from outside of the room. After a moment, the door burst open and Mum stormed toward me.

"What is the meaning of this?" She yelled. "What the h*ll were you thinking, you dumb*ss?"

I crumbled the paper back up and threw it at her. "Get out of my f*cking room, Mum!"

She read what was on the paper after unfolding it, then slowing smirked as a chuckled escaped her lips. She crumpled it back up and threw it at me. "No. I'm not sorry. And I never will be."

"F*ck you."

She stepped closer.

"Get out of my f*cking room, d*mnit!"

"Gladly." Mum turned, but stopped when she got to the door. She looked at me. "This is the last time you're gonna see me."

"I don't give a sh*t! Just go already, b*tch!"

"Goodbye, Jerome." With that, she stepped out of the room, never to see me again.

The second she was out the door, I covered my eyes with my palms, my fingers grabbing at my hair viciously. My back shook as I sobbed.

I felt a small, warm hand on my shoulder and knew that it was Mara. I really didn't feel like talking to her right now. I just wanted to be by myself. But she wouldn't leave. Instead, she managed to squeeze her way next to me on the bed, then she pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice no longer cold and hard.

I sobbed into her hair as I rested my forehead on her shoulder.

* * *

I've never recovered from that day. I mean, I haven't tried committing suicide again. But I was never the same person. I've experimented with drugs a bit, but found that, in the long run, they don't take my problems away.

I don't love Mara anymore. I mean, she's a great friend to talk to. Don't get me wrong. But…well, honestly, I'm not sure if I love anyone anymore…or if it was really love that I felt before.

The residents of Anubis House heard about what happened, and they pity me greatly. So now they're all up my *ss and sh*t, pretending to be my friends when they were never there for me before. But whatever. It's more people to hang out with although no one, not even Alfie, will ever know what I'm truly feeling. No one, that is, except for Mara. But I don't tell her things unless she asks. I don't like dumping my sh*t out on other people.

Trudy and Victor keep a close eye on me, as does the other Anubis residents and some school teachers. But whatever. Trudy makes me special treats, and Victor isn't that cold to me. Certain teachers even give me less work and give out free points to add to my dramatically decreasing grade. But I'm sure that won't last long. Whatever. Mara and even Nina try to help me bring my grades up and tutor me sometimes and sh*t. But I don't really listen.

I haven't played a prank on anyone since my 'incident'. I just don't find the fun in it anymore. Nothing really amuses me like it used to, though.

On breaks, Mara invites me to her house. Her mum's okay with me staying in their guest room. But I always decline. If I didn't like my mum, why would I want to be around hers? Nope. I just stay at Anubis House with Trudy and Victor. Usually I stay in my room, though. Trudy always checks on me every fifteen minutes. It gets really annoying. But I just nod and smile so she'll go away.

So you may wonder where I'm going from here. Well, I could get my grades up and actually pass. Or I could just sit on my *ss and rot away until I'm forced to leave this place. That's not so bad. I could get a job at some fast food restaurant and live in a f*cking car. Sounds pretty good to me. Maybe I won't even have enough money to get a car. Or maybe I'll be a millionaire. I don't know where I'll be. And, honestly? I just don't give a f*ck.


End file.
